So I’ll say right off the top that this post has come from a
place of discussion and interest as well as one of anger and concern. Not long
ago I was talking over Twitter DMs with a very good friend of mine about an
actor we both happen to fangirl over and I happened to say “I wouldn’t be
surprised if he came out as bi”. It feels awkward to admit this here, outside
of the safety of one to one messages with someone who knows me so well, but
it’s not the first time I’ve found myself looking at an individual I admire and
coding them as bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, or ace whether their actions or
stated identification says otherwise. This feels awkward because from a
psychological point of view the vast majority (or even all) of these instances
are at least in part my own projection.
I mentally code them as not-heterosexual because there isn’t
exactly a wealth of visible, public individuals with the power and access that
comes with celebrity who fall outside of the hetero/homo dichotomy. Even now as
I try to think of “celebrities” that have spoken openly about being bisexual
(as it is the most visible of the multitude of non-hetero/homo sexualities
currently) I can think of three off the top of my head. Three people, all of
which are women, all of which have in more than one piece I’ve read regarding
their sexuality been written about to draw attention not for their openness and
visibility, but to titillate and shock readers.
As a cis-gendered female who identifies as pansexual (and to
be honest, more often one who is content to simply say bisexual to avoid
discussion the difference with uniformed individuals), I’ve found myself
building a significant part of my identity on sexual coding and hope that
representation will come. As a geek, I find myself longing for out geeks with
media pull to talk openly about their sexuality; to see not only healthy
representations of queer culture but queer culture within the huge and
ever-present geek kingdom where it seems that the large numbers of queer fans
looking for representation get none. Note, I understand and acknowledge that
I’m not entitled to have anyone come out – that no person is ever obligated to
come out for any reason – but as a queer geek who knows for a fact that I am
far from alone in this huge cultural pool, the fact that there aren’t more out
queer geeks in our beloved media saddens me.
Even in our popular geeky media, queerness is still written
in code that us “select few” are left to decipher if it’s not clear cut
homosexual/heterosexual. We’re in a position where those of us not content with
the fact that more homosexual characters are appearing in our fandoms are still
left with the queerness we create in our shipping and head canons. It may show
my age, but in reality our media of now – of 2016 – hasn’t come much further
than it was in my teen years and Willow on Buffy the Vampire Slayer became a
lesbian and then was straight again with no mention of the dreaded ‘b’ word
because “love is love, we don’t need a label do we”. Sexuality continues to be
boiled down to being either straight or gay depending on who you’re currently
interested in with only rare mentions of bisexuality as something that actually
exists beyond vague implications of fluid sexuality and experimentation.
Unfortunately, those mentions are usually in reference to
the tired old bisexual tropes, the non-monosexual individual as evil or insane
or simply seeking attention. Can you name a single character on television or
in the movies today, let alone an actor or actress, who is openly identified as
bisexual (not “fluid”, not “experimenting” not “curious” or “a people person”)
and treated with respect and dignity, you know… like the normal people that we
are? I’m not as media savvy as most, but I sure can’t.
And so I circle back around to my own not-so-secret reading
of famous people as potentially not monosexual, my own vain attempts to find
representation where there has been so little. It’s awkward to admit, but yeah
– I wish at least one of my “faves” was not only outside of the binary hetero
or homo only scale that people seem to cling to, but also open about this. I
long for the day when one of the nerdy actors I follow casually drops that they
happen to bi or happen to identify as asexual and it’s no big deal. I deeply
desire normalization, representation, and acknowledgement of identities that
the media for the most part is silent on.
